Okay, this is a subject which is hard to figure out for so many parents. Including us! We’ve tried sooo many things in the last 7 years to get our kids doing chores in the house. It is one of those parenting problems which I think should be easier to figure out, but why does it come up every… single…week? Is this also one of those problems of parenting in the 21st century? Scroll down and find out which of these Chore Charts can work for your family?

My kids always clean up after themselves….

After I pick up the kids from school, they all talk about how their day went. We are on our way to get some groceries at the local grocery store.

My daughter gently pushes the cart with M in it, pointing out the different vegetables and fruits. My son asks me what we need and puts the groceries in the cart.

At home the kids put the backpacks on their backs and each take a grocery bag to bring to the kitchen. The things that need refrigeration, go in the fridge and other things go in the pantry and in the fruit bowl. The kids put their coats, shoes and backpacks away in the closet.

It is time for an afternoon snack and to make homework….

The reality at our house…

Just kidding….these are not my kids! I really hope there are kids like that somewhere out there. Great job, parents!! But how did you manage to do that? In our household it’s more like this:

On our way back from school, the kids sing all the songs on the radio on top of their lungs. I wonder where they know all the lyrics from, because I’ve heard that song only ONCE before. And all that energy!

We’re going to the grocery store to buy some things for dinner. As soon as we park the car they ask me if they can stay in the car. “No!” is my answer and I tell them why I said “NO”.

Inside the store they immediately ask if they can get a snack. My youngest wants to go in the cart, then she wants to walk, then she’s too tired, then she wants to walk again to get banana’s.

At home, I park the car in front of our house, the kids open the door and run inside. When I ask if I can get some help bringing the groceries inside I get a “My hands are full!” as one answer, or “I have too much homework”. After I get all the grocery bags out of the car and put them in the kitchen, I stumble over all kinds of stuff: shoes, backpacks, lunch boxes, homework folders, jackets. “Guys, can you clean up your stuff, please?”

“Yes, later!”.

I’m making dinner. “Can someone set the table, please?” “I’m almost done with my homework!” is the answer from upstairs.

I’m cleaning out the dishwasher and set the plates and utensils on the table. After dinner, it is time to shower. I almost don’t want to describe how our bathroom looks like after all three went into the bathtub. I feel such a nag…. At the end of the day, I AM the one in the end, who did all the chores in the house.

Does this sounds more familiar? Oh, phew, I hope I’m not the only one out there.

Schedules and Chores Plans

Every Saturday we divide the chores. Everything needs to be done before we can do anything else like, watching a movie, going for a walk, getting ice cream, playing a video game or go to friends. Whiny voices come from all over the house.

” I don’t know how to clean my room. I don’t know where to start. Can I do it tomorrow? It is too much for today.”

“Oh, look what I’ve found? I’m going to play this game!”

“Can I go see my friends?”

We’ve tried to talk to them and explain to our kids why doing chores is so important. From:

• We all live in this house and that means that everyone has to help cleaning everything up-

to:

• It is good to learn these very important life skills. When you’re older and you have to take care of yourself, you have to know how to make your bed, cook a meal, clean a bathroom.-

It seems that at the moment they don’t care so much about what is going to happen in about 8 or 10 years from now. They live in the moment. Everything what happens now, is important: I need to see my friend or I want to continue that video game.

Here are some things we’ve tried over the years. Keep in mind that every family,  every parent, every child is different and it is all worth to try it what fits best for your family.

1. Melissa and Doug Chores Chart

This is one of the first Chores Chart we had. It is colorful and we had it close to our dinner table, a place we all get together at least once a day. We went over the chart after dinner to see what we did and which rewards everyone got. We planned for the next day. The weekends were mostly free, because the chores were mostly done during the weekdays. There is a lot of information on this chart and it was good for a few months when the kids did not have too much to do after school.

2. Home Made Chores Chart with Coins

The Melissa and Doug Chart was a little overwhelming for us, so I made a simplified chart myself and gave the kids a jar with their names on them. There was a list with chores they could do. They choose which chores they wanted to do and needed to do per day and per week. For every chore they could earn some “money” or in this case, printed and laminated coins on card stock. For these coins they could “buy” the things they wanted or do the things they liked to do, like time to play on the computer or iPad, getting an ice cream, going to the movies, or having a play date with a friend. These activities were on a separate piece of paper with the price next to it.

After a few weeks, the kids tried to negotiate their way out of a lot of chores or paying for their activities.

3. “The Help Mama List”

At a certain point I was feeling sorry for myself. I didn’t know how to get the kids’ attention. I knew that K was sensitive for emotions. He wants everyone, including himself of course, to be happy. Sometimes when I just flip out, he comes in the kitchen and asks me what he can do to help me!

I created ” The Help Mama List”

You can click on the link above, download and print it out. You can edit the chores and activities.

I was thinking to stimulate teamwork, communicating, problem solving and time management on a daily base. In the beginning, guidance of a parent is needed. The kids need to figure out themselves, who was going to do what (team work and negotiating). They also need to trade off playing with the younger sibling (time management). Sometimes they can skip a chore, for example if the dryer is already empty or the plants were watered yesterday.

In the weekend we didn’t have so much to do, so that meant we could do a lot of fun family activities.

4. Summer Chores Chart

In the summer there’s a different schedule of course, but parents are still busy with work and other activities. Now that the kids are more home and doing camps or other summer activities, it is still required to help at home. Here is a FREE printable at Thirty Handmade Days.

5. Behavior Chores Chart

At some point, my parents came to visit and my dad, who was an elementary school teacher for kids with behavior problems, gave us this Behavior Chores Chart idea.

1. If you click on the link above or below, you can print out the chart.

2. Fill in the name of your child(ren) on the left side.

3. Then you see a column with a “heart”. Here you’ll put the things your child did well that day. A chore, say please and thank you, helped a friend or family member, had a good grade at school etc.

4. Under the column with points, you’ll write at the end of the day how many points they got. For example, they did 3 things good that day, so they’ll get 3 points. If they misbehaved, not listened, been disrespectful or anything else you disapprove of, write those down under the “lightening bolt” and count the points.

5. Then subtract the misbehavior points (lightening bolt) with the good behavior (heart) points. Say you decided that 1 point is 15 minutes, that means for every point left x 15 minutes, they can choose what they want to do.

With us it was mostly screen time. This Behavior Chores Chart we used for almost 2 years.

For example:

   Name:            “Heart”           Points            “Lightening”  Points             Total

4 good things – 2 not good things. 4-2 is 2 and this equals 2 x 15 minutes = 30 minutes of screen time.

You can do this at the end of the week as well, if you prefer that the kids are having screen time only in the weekend.

6. Family Meetings with Chore Planning

A few weeks ago I posted about our Family Meetings we have every Sunday. At these meetings, we also talk about the chores that need to be done the next week. Now that they are older and they have more to do after school, they can choose when they’d like to do their chores. If they are not done by the end of the week, there won’t be any sleepovers, screen time or play dates. The kids can write their chores on a white board in their bedroom. This board also has other events or activities happening that week, like dentist or doctors appointments, project deadlines for school, sport events etc. Every time we have our meeting, the kids bring their white board downstairs to our meeting.

Note: Our kids are now 13, 12 and 6. We moved to a new and bigger house, so that means more cleaning to do. I wrote all the weekly chores down and a column where everyone (including mom and dad) can write their names down. Behind that column is another column with “DONE” to check the chore off. Everyone has to pitch in and we discuss it every weekend. What went well, what can we do better!

7. Chores for older kids

By now our kids are 15, 13 and 7. Another summer is almost over and because of COVID and summer vacation (some days were very hot), the time behind screens was a lot. Both my husband and I were working during the summer and we managed to get at least a few afternoons out on the biking trail, public pool or the lake.

The kids are getting older and they need to start to learn some responsibilities and new chores.

I made this chart. At the end of the week they’ll get money. If they need more, they can do more chores. If one person cannot load the dishwasher, they have to talk to the person who is responsible to unload the dishwasher.

There are chores on the bottom of the list if someone wants to earn something extra.

This week for example, it looks like some of my kids didn’t earn that much, so we’ll see what they’ll say. I think at the moment the are all saving up for something, so this is the way to go right now.

Which Chores Chart is right for your family?

In the end it comes down to how much time and energy the parent(s) can give. I’ve noticed by introducing a new system, the kids were into it for the first few weeks or sometimes a year. But then they started to negotiate. Trying to get more screen time at times we had a baby sitter or one of us was doing something else, like making dinner, working on the computer, or taking care of the other siblings.

As I said before, it’s a matter of how your family works together. How they all communicate. Every child and every parent is different. Some chores systems work for one family, but doesn’t for the other. We had to try several ones out to get the right one for us. The kids and their schedules change too, so sometimes THAT was the reason we had to figure out a different system. We have learned so much about communicating, working together and how our personalities are and how they developed over the years. If you are not sure about how each of yours and of your child’s personalities, this test helped a lot.

Good luck and please let me know which system works for your family or do you have a different system that works?

Don’t forget to pin!!

Danielle

Hello everyone,

Welcome to my Crafty Dutch Girl blog! Grab a cup of “koffie” and browse through fun blog posts about our Dutch family expat life in the USA, Dutch history, Dutch recipes, Dutch things to do in the USA and all kinds of crafts and activities. Don’t forget to connect with me for new ideas! “Groetjes en tot ziens”.